Listen to your children. Avoid assuming what they think or feel and try not to transfer your own fears onto them. Instead, listen to their concerns or fears. The worries of children often differ considerably from those of adults. Getting out their feelings may help reduce your children's anxieties.

Avoid negating or denying their fears by telling them there is nothing to be concerned about. Convey to them that it's okay to be scared or angry or confused. Show respect for their concerns and let them know you take their thoughts and feelings seriously. Then, reassure them that our government is working hard to protect us. Also, let them know that you are doing everything you can to help insure their safety.

When children, especially young children, see replays of television coverage of buildings falling down or other scary images, they may think it's happening again. Reassure them that it happened a long, long time ago. Children too young to understand the implications of what happened may still be frightened and upset by seeing people cry on television. Limit their exposure to unsettling news coverage.

After an emotionally charged discussion, play with your children to help them return to the business of being children. The more typical their activities, the more secure and protected they will feel.

Children's reactions to tragedies or traumas are as individual and different as one child is from another. Some children may respond strongly to less significant events while others react little to horrible events. There is not one right way to react! If your children don't want to talk about their concerns, that is okay. Let them know that you will be available if and when they are ready to talk.

Be honest but sensitive. Children do not need to know all of the frightening details about the events.

With older children, try to interpret news reports on a level they can understand.

Most children don't have a good knowledge of world geography and/or an accurate concept of distances. Show your children on a globe or world map where such countries as Iraq and Afghanistan are located. Make sure they know those places and others in the news are very far away.

If children ask questions that you cannot answer, such as if there will be more terrorist attacks in America, it is okay to say that you do not know. Continue to reassure them that our president and other leaders as well as you, their school personnel, our armed forces, the police and firemen and other grown-ups are working hard to keep us all safe.

Remember that your children's view of events is based heavily on how they see you responding. Young children may become very upset not so much because of the events, but because they see you becoming very emotional. Watching you cope and "recover" is the best lesson for your children with regard to developing their own ability to handle upsetting information and situations.

NOTE: If you feel that your child's reactions or fears are excessive or prolonged, or if he or she has trouble eating, sleeping or interacting with others, please contact a mental health professional.

Drs. Audrey and Louis Flumen are licensed practicing psychologists who have worked with children and families for over thirty years, both in the public schools and in their private practices. They have had extensive experience helping children cope with trauma, including the events of September 11th. They live and work in New Jersey and have two grown sons.